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officialunitedstates:

where does the moon go during the day?  i think it goes to las vegas

d0nn0:

d0nn0:

guys help me im so close to my next k

image

seriously im so close 

(via fake-mermaid)

q1w2e3r4t5y6u7i8o9p0a:

they seriously arent kidding when they say all the good urls are taken

(via dulect)

intensional:

when there’s a fire, don’t forget to stop, drop and pop it, lock it, polka dot it, country-fy it and hip-hop it

(via zackisontumblr)

trugazi:

can’t wait to own dogs with u

(via fake-mermaid)

In the delivery room

tokomon:

mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

(via fake-mermaid)

rnedia:

trying to argue with someone over text is like being italian and having to talk with handcuffs on

(Source: neptunain, via fake-mermaid)

elusivemulatto:

tell a grown ass man “no” n watch him revert to age 5 behavior

(via cumfort)

wheresdrew:

It shouldn’t be called meet and greet it should be called pay and hey

(via fake-mermaid)

I heavily fuck with myself.

(Source: highkeygay, via lordlightskin)

People run from rain but
sit
in bathtubs full of
water.

-

Charles Bukowski (via bittersweetsongs)

Wow bukowski so profound do you also bathe fully clothed you dickhead. “Oohh isn’t it funny that a person will eat when they’re hungry but will duck if you throw an apple at their face”

(via coolestpriest)

(Source: cachaemic, via jailor)

suluboo:

relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead 

(Source: ofelrond, via joshpeckofficiall)